how are you

After talking with friends I haven't seen in a while, it has become more clear to me how much I love being around people who are vulnerable with their emotions and showing their true colors. Being around people who feel comfort in my presence allow me to let down my walls. Even in the vulnerability and rawness that these beautiful people show me, I find it interesting that we start out our conversations with 

how are you?

how are you doing?

how's it going?

howareyouhowareyouhowareyou

But really, how am I? I don't even know the answer to that question, I mean not in the sense that everyone asks it. Every time I get to the front of line at the grocery store or a coffee shop, the person behind the counter always asks

how are you?

and I, along with majority of everyone else in line, answer the same way

good, how are you?

But what if I answered with how I really feel, what if I said

I am excited, nervous, joyful, anxious, happy, sad, on cloud nine, stressed.

Think about it: how weird would it be if we really told people how we were doing when they asked? It would take them by surprise, it could silence them, it could cause them to ask more questions, it could result in a hug. 

As my last week in the United States is progressing, I want to be truthful in answering that dreaded question. It has become second nature for me to immediately respond with

good, how are you?

Everyone is having an internal struggle that the world may not know about. Within the last semester, I've become stronger, wiser, different, independent. I want the question of how are you? to turn into a phrase of I see you and I care about you. I want people to feel loved and welcomed and accepted so they feel comfortable answering this question truthfully.

So, how am I doing? Today I feeling loved, joyful, and stressed, but blessed.

Some days I am just good, and others I am not; some days I want to share my happiness with everyone, and others I need someone to look me in the eyes and truly see me. But everyday I am me, whether I am a little broken or overflowing with joy. And I love that I can say that.