bruised, I still run

A couple days ago, I took a corner too quick and landed on the ground, sliding on the slippery concrete and onto the wood deck. Being who I am, I got up on my knees, leaned forward and laughed at myself. After laughing for a couple seconds, I got back up and started running again. While running away, I was unaware that my knees were bruised, open and bleeding. But in that moment, I only had one thing that my mind was focused on one thing: not getting caught by the retreats and making it to a hidden location.

Since then, I had kind of forgotten that I had cut open my knees and bruised them. That is, until this morning at Mass. Since I was kneeling so much, the cut on my knee was pressed so deeply into the kneeler, that as soon as I stood up, my cut was reopen. But, I didn't realize that it was bleeding until my knee began to feel a little wet. So I looked down, and sure enough, my cut was bright red.

As I looked down, I noticed that my knees were both still bruised, still cut, still scabbed. And even though one cut was reopen, they were healing.


This month has been a hard one. Not in a bad way, but in a I'm-always-busy-doing-things-with-other-people kinda way. But this just comes with what I do as a job for this year: I'm a missionary, being the hands and feet of Christ to all the people who come out to The Pines for retreats. I show them His love so that they can build a relationship with Him. It's not always the easiest work, but it definitely is fun and exhausting in the best way possible.

These past three months have been filled with growth and learning and lots of joy. And through all the trials and triumphs, I have learned to keep running to the Father; to keep pursuing Him in all that I do because He is the one who will satisfy my desires and needs. I need to run to the Father in my brokenness and exhaustion and rely on Him - this is what I have learned in these short few months.

I am broken and imperfect and forgetful, yet He still loves me and pursues me. This month, I have imagined that I am running to Him with all that I have; sometimes a lot of energy and love and sometimes with literally nothing to give due to exhaustion or pain.
Yet I still run to Him.
Sometimes, I take the corners too quick in anticipation for what lies ahead and I end up skidding on the ground. But instead of sitting in the pain, I get up and keep running towards my goal: Christ and His love. Just like how when I took the turn too quick in the game, I got back up and continued onto my goal. I wasn't worried about the pain on my knees or the bruises that began to form; I was focused on running.

So here I am: a exhausted, broken, imperfect beloved daughter of God, who still runs to Him when I am beaten down or tired or doubting. I am bruised and scabbed and tired from all this life has thrown at me, but I known that He will satisfy my needs. So I bring all my struggles for the rest of this year, all my desires, plans, doubts and needs, to the foot of His cross. Because I am not focused on the pain, instead I am focused on the joy that I get from being in a relationship with Him. He will fill my cup with the love I need to give, the joy I need to spread and the laughter I need to share.

I am running deeper into His heart this year so that His love can strengthen me, fill me, and protect me. Just as I ran on a mission for that game earlier this week, I run with my eyes fixed on Him as my goal and focus.